Without you I am no-one.

I am 23 years old. I happen to meet several people, places, and events in my life. Everything seems to come into my life and slowly fade away. I've tried to include those in my life. But nothing got included. I thought I am alone and always will be. At some point in life, I thought, my family, will also fade away from me. Then what is the need to have desires in life and why should I need to fulfil my goal in life. Everything will only fade away. I thought.

So many came into my life. Some got my attention. Some got my time. Some got my love. But only one got my life. It was a girl. I didn't like the girl and I didn't even like to have my time wasted with her. In fact, I even tried to avoid her. But when I understood that she respects me sincerely, I thought I could give my time to her or that I could give a support or even be a friend. Anyways, unknowingly I fell in love with her. I fell in love with a girl who I don't like. I couldn't comprehend her character or personality. But I just know that I love her. It was just a matter of moments to find out that I couldn't live without her. She intensely pierced my heart and became my life. I understood that to leave her, I should abandon my life. This became a serious issue for me because I didn't know if she needs me or not. I know that without her I will be no-one. That, I will die.

Later, I find out that she was not interested to have me in her life. Since I was all alone and was on the brink of having my life end, she was a God's blessing to me. The news that she wasn't interested in having me in her life extremely shook me completely. I am just 23 years old. Everything seems to come into my life and slowly fade away. I've tried to include those in my life. But nothing got included. I thought I am alone and always will be. I thought, at some point in life, I will lose my family too. Then what is the need to live, I thought. I thought it is better to die than to live.

Just before I decided to end my life, I understood that life is a gift and that it should be carefully lived upon, even if I am all alone or not. I got the revelation from a friend. So I decided to end my worldly life and start a spiritual, detached life. For that, I need to go away from my surroundings and have a new beginning in life. I went to the Himalayas. A friend accompanied me on the journey.

I reached the Himalayas. I planned to go further north, but I was sad and depressed. So I couldn't travel further. I was physically detached from the world. But I couldn't get mentally detached. I couldn't stop thinking of her. She was lingering in my mind like a curse. I didn't even think of my family. Only she was in my mind. I understood that only death could take her away from my heart. I understood that she became my life and in order to leave her, I need to cease my heart. Before deciding that, I thought about coming back to my place and decided to give a last try. I came back and talked to her. We had silent fights again, but we came back together.

On that day when she said that we could start everything again, I got my life back. I didn't even in a million years expected that. Like a lightning in my heart, I came to know the depth of her love for me. Without my notice, she was loving me. She was loving me silently. Her love, which is incomparable to anything, made me live again.

But it is still unknown to me that if I come to it again or not. I don't know if there will be a need to cease my heart again.

I just need you to understand that, you are my life and without you I am no-one.